Thursday, March 19, 2009


It's always in the back of my mind...and sometimes on the forefront. I feel it when I am out shopping & laying in bed at home. Something is missing. She is missing and it isn't the same. It never will least not on this earth.
The three of us cuddled up together in bed last night and I just couldn't help but cry. She should be there stuck right smack dab in the middle of us...she was a year ago. She was perfectly curled up on my chest sleeping so peacefully. She had Scott "pinned down" and wrapped around her tiny little finger. (You would be amazed at the strength he swears she to keep a grown man stuck to the sofa for hours! Who am I kidding though? She did it to me, too.)
I attempted to shop for our newest little one. I am in love with a brand called Kissy Kissy...Annabelle and Wyatt wore it lots. It is the softest, sweetest little layette clothing. I thought after Monday's appointment that I was ready to get excited a little. I know we still have a long way to go and more tests to be done but I wanted to celebrate. I love to dress my children so clothing it was. I hit a precious little boutique just down the road that carries my favorite baby brand...the same boutique that I purchased Annabelle's coming home outfit from...gown, bonnet, blanket & booties. It's mostly for little girls but I thought I remembered some sweet baby boy things. So, I went...alone. I stayed away from the girl clothes knowing that I would find something perfect for my little girl and never have the opportunity to dress her in it. I try to remind myself in those moments that these are earthly treasures and she is wearing dresses smocked with gold thread and adorned with gems I've never seen. It helps a little but, to me, she is still missing...missing from my arms and missing from the picture that others see when they see our family... and there is a huge void that can only be filled by her.
I am missing her more today knowing that I am only one week away from the moment she was carried away to Paradise. And I am here...without her...missing her and everything she is to me.


Kacy said...

Rebecca, so often, I think of precious Annabelle and remember her sweet little face and her tiny bows. She changed so many of us. She is one loved little girl and will forever be remembered. I love you, friend, and can't wait to buy your third little one an outfit, too. (You know I never get to buy for baby boys.)

I'm praying that you will find peace in the upcoming week.
Love, Kerri

Anonymous said...

Oh, I'm so very sorry that you have to miss her and not have her with you. I have grown to love your family and Gracie Girl family. I hope our Father in Heaven can keep carrying you and Michelle(Gracie's mom) until you see your precious little girls again. I'm so sorry you have to endure this pain. I continue to keep you in my prayers.

Our Family said...


You know I understand the feeling of missing your angel while waiting for a new little one. Please know that you can call me day or night when you need to talk. I know how difficult it can be to prepare for your new son while missing Annabelle. But I promise you that when this sweet little prince arrives, he will bring a new joy to your lives. I pray that Annabelle gives you a great big hug and whispers a sweet lullaby in your ear. I know she is up in heaven asking God to take care of her baby brother. Call me if you need me, I will talk to you soon!


Lindsay Dean said...

Having never held her in my arms, smelled her perfect little head, or kissed her cute little cheeks, I too miss her terribly. But, I never for one moment compare it to the "missing" that you must feel and my heart breaks for you always. Annabelle has brought so much joy into your life as well and because of her, this new little brother of hers will make his appearance very soon! She will always be apart of him in some way and that is a miracle in itself. During this time that is coming, I sooo wish I was there to sit and just cry with you......becasue you know I do it everyday anyway!! ha! I fear of everything that you have gone through but also know that if it evers does happen and we lose Lindsay, I will have you. I will think of YOU and how wonderful you have done through this and have perserviered(sp?). Yes, we all know that there have and will be breakdowns, but that doesn't mean that you are not strong. I love you so much for what you have done to keep Annabelle's legacy alive and she will always be alive to us for as long as we are here on earth. I love you friend~

Danielle @ Living Out Loud said...

I've never met you.
I never met her.
But somehow, in some way...
Her heart has touched my heart.

And I miss her too.
I miss her for YOU.

I wish I had words to take away your pain...

But I know that there are no words that could ever fill your void.

So I will continue to pray...

I pray that the Lord of Life will fill you up with His grace and carry you through these upcoming days.

Loving, Praying, and Missing too...

Danielle in Kansas

Angela said...

Oh, I'm so sorry. Hugs and prayers.

jan tompkins said...

It shouldn't be any other way, Rebecca! There is not a day that goes by that Ann and I don't think of Annabelle. And, I never met her.
She is a part of you and Scott. God has His Plan. I thought as I read your post, that this new child of yours must be a very special in His eyes. Annabelle is with her Heavenly Father who loves and cherishes her. He will get you through this. He has and always will. Continue to trust in Him and enjoy every minute of this pregnancy. You deserve it and He will bless you more and more as you do His will.
God Bless You, Scott, Wyatt and this special child!!!

Katie said...

Thinking of you as this tough week approaches. You're on my heart and in my prayers~love and hugs to you always!!!

Erica May said...

Rebecca, I can't begin to understand the void and pain you must feel! You have every right to feel the way that you do! I know this new little one will never take Annabelle's place in your heart, but I think God has a big plan for your family and part of your healing may be to have this new bundle of joy in your lives! I am so thankful to call you my friend!

The Gandy Family said...

I have been thinking about you all the past couple of weeks. I can't imagine your pain. But, I cry with you. I look at my own kids and never want to imagine loosing one of them. I thank God everyday for them. I know God will raise you and Scott up, so you can walk on mountains, and raise you up to walk on stormy seas. And you are stronger with Him.
As Spring comes, may God bring you a butterfly and may God continue to supply peace and understanding even when we don't understand.
Your children are blessed to have parents that are so dedicated to them and to the Lord. I will be thinking of you and raising you all up in prayer in the coming week.

In Christ,
Leigh Ann Gandy