Saturday, July 19, 2014

{Choosing to Love}

As we near the 5 month mark this week of having our Andie-Grace in our arms, I'm moved to complete tears of joy at how God has worked in her life. She never knew what love to give or how to receive it. She had never really attached to anyone for more than their shift at the orphanage and just accepted the fact that I was just another nanny...another woman to meet her immediate needs. Just as soon as I thought she was starting to bond with me, she'd randomly choose a stranger over me...completely unaware that that is not how this whole family thing works. 
But now, after five very hard months, she chooses me. She willingly, unprompted will kiss me and give love by laying her head down on me {even when she's not bundled up in the baby carrier!} or hold my hand and demand that I am by her side each step she takes. She has several times in the past week just come up to me and kissed me...toddling away with a big grin on her face. She knows. She knows. 
I've done so much processing since having her placed in my arms. So many things I didn't see coming. I've had to choose to love her, too. My heart was so much more guarded than I ever imagined and it scares me to death to think I could ever bury another child. So, I rest solely on God's promises not to harm me but for hope and a future with another one of His precious children. Tearing down those walls and exposing my heart to this amazing mother/daughter relationship again has been tough. It still is. But, y'all...she chooses us and we choose her and God blesses us BIG in the midst of all the pain we have both experienced.
HE...our beloved Abba redeeming even more than I ever imagined. And I am thankful. Always.


1 comment:

Natalie Williams said...

I am a complete stranger who reads your blog and has for years since you lost your sweet baby girl. I love this post!! You are amazing and inspire me.