Thursday, February 06, 2014

{the fear of the unknown}

I am not a risk taker.  At all.   Zero.  Like I wouldn't even purchase the life insurance most likely to yield the highest return although I was considerably young at the time and in great health simply because it was marketed as the more "risky" of the products offered.

And I am...weeks away from traveling to the other side of the world to adopt the most precious little 15 month old ever created of which I know very little about in a country that I've never visited via airplane that has never carried me further than a 2 hour flight.

Yep, no risk taker here.

So, the enemy has been feverishly at work lately.  As the time gets nearer and nearer, he's prowling back and forth and back and forth and the deep, dark groans are echos of doubt and of fear and of worry.  He is abundantly aware that risk is not my forte and he's preying on it like no tomorrow.

I was so thankful last week to have barely gotten a few words of my sentence out of my mouth when asked by a dear friend what I needed prayer for right now with our adoption...and before I could even utter the worst of what the enemy is doing to me, I was interrupted with words straight from the Voice of Truth..."He is a liar!" 

God, thank you friends that speak truth right smack dab in the face of darkness!

I cried.  I needed that reminder.  I need it today and tomorrow and the next day and especially when we board the plane and when we leave the hotel to go to the building where we will meet our daughter and, even more, when she is placed into my arms for the first time.....

Oh, but the fear of the unknown...

How is all of this going to come together in just the next couple of weeks?  Will we have everything we need?  Will she love us?  Will she be frightened of us?  Will the boys do okay on the trip?  Will they end up sick in a foreign country?  Are we making the right decision taking them, too?  Will she be okay?  Will she be sick?  What about the unknowns on her file?  What if?  What if????

So. many. questions.

So. many. doubts.

So. much. unknown.

And I despise risk.  Completely.

BUT...this is where the Voice of Truth stops me.  And HE says "What about Me???"

This plan is HIS plan.  She is HIS child.  HE has called and HE is faithful.  Always.  Always.  Always.

I can't miss the parallel here. 

My doubt is exactly what the enemy wants me to believe but it stops there.  It has to.  When Christ carried the cross of my sins to Calvary, He never questioned if I were the right person to die for...He just did it.   And Satan was all over him.  Remember the prayer in the Garden?  All over Him.

 Yes, there is a huge risk in international adoption and I am absolutely 100% out of my comfort zone. 

But, I'm even more sure that whatever the future holds, it's going to be so much greater and better than anything I could have ever found staying safe.  He doesn't call us out onto the ledge and leave us there alone...and I'm praying that the fear that I have of the unknown only drives me to hold a trust in Him like I've never known. 

Who knows?  Maybe I'll go completely nuts and take out a new life insurance policy when we get home.  On second thought, I doubt it.

*As we near the days of meeting our Andie-Grace, please hold our family close in prayer.  This calling is nearest to the heart of God and the enemy knows it.  We have felt spiritual warfare like never before but also, amazingly, feel the mighty Hand of God slaying those dragons every step of the way.  God's angels are fierce and we are asking them to surround our daughter every moment she sits alone waiting.  We pray for her heart to be softened to the love we will lavish on her very soon. Thank you...thank you! 

No comments: