Tuesday, April 13, 2010

From Annabelle…

It may be hard to believe but those who know me best know that I am a very private person.  My deepest thoughts and truest emotions are rarely shared with anyone other than very close friends.  I think that’s been the beauty of blogging…I am not having to say the words but can somehow muster up the courage to write them.  By doing so, I am allowed to release my fears and share my heart with you.  It’s safe for me.  (And, I can break out into the ugly cry without any of you knowing it!)

I’ve gone back and forth with sharing a very special and sacred letter with you.  Ultimately, I know that it’s best to share it.  For one, many of you love my girl as if she were yours.  You have prayed for her like you pray for your own babies and have then turned your prayers over to cover our family when we lost her.  I have seen the tears in many of your eyes when I share a story of hers with you and my heart knows that you grieve her, too.  I know that those of you who never met her or held her in person look forward to holding her at the Pearly Gates…and some who shared those thoughts with me already have.  She has a place in your hearts…and her story has been given to our family to share.

By now you know the significance that March 27th, 2008 holds in our family.  It’s a day that I will never be able to forget…not that I’d ever want to.  It was a day filled with so much pain and yet filled with so much peace.  It brought a burden into my heart that I daily lay at the feet of Jesus and gave Annabelle perfect beauty.  As a mother, I love my children more than myself.  By having that God-given instinct, I can say that I am thankful for that day.  In the end, it gave Annabelle everything that she could have ever dreamt of having…on that day, Jesus gave her a perfect heart.

This year we were excitedly awaiting the arrival of the Dean’s that afternoon.  We couldn’t wait to wrap our arms around each other…and I couldn’t wait to hold precious Lindsay.  JR, Suzie, Scott and I stayed up past midnight talking and sharing our hearts with each other.  The evening was shared with the Smith’s (Sweet Evie and Annabelle brought our families together at MUSC and we haven’t spent much time apart since) over dinner while the big kids had fun playing outside until they were all stinky and covered in grass stains!  It was a beautiful day.  Most of that you already knew though…this is what I haven’t shared.

Earlier that morning, we went to put Annabelle’s angel hairbow on at her special place.  Scott and Wyatt got some balloons to send to her, too.  As we arrived we found a letter…


It was from Annabelle.


Scott read it for us through tears.  It was beautiful.  The words were perfect.   She addressed each of us…including her brothers and the precious gifts that they are to our family, too.  On that day, there are no words…but she knew them.  She says that she asks for me and that He says soon…and “then He holds me and tells me secrets of the blessings He has for me and for you on the Special Day”…the day we are together again.  She talks about her Daddy’s heart…about how he’s “been the man He made you to be for Mommy…for Wyatt…for me…and now for Lukie”.  She reminds us that on that day that He took her Home she “saw Eternity through His eyes and know it will be but a moment until I’m in your arms again”.  Oh, how I long to have her cradled in my arms!

After Scott finished reading her letter, Wyatt asked how it got here.  Scott and I just look at each other…I couldn’t speak…but he answered perfectly…”Buddy, God has angels all around us and one of them put it here for Annabelle.”

I have my suspicions but like leaving it just as Scott said. 

To the precious and treasured angel on Earth, Thank You!  You truly know my daughter’s heart and spoke directly to ours on that sacred day.



The Chavis Family said...

What a blessing for your family!!

RHONDA said...

What a beautiful Blessing! God has surrounded you with many angels..
Matthew 26:53


The Simmons Family said...

That's beautiful!!

jan tompkins said...

What a beautiful, thoughtful gift from a precious angel. You are so right; God does send us angels here on earth to help and protect us during these "cross bearing" times.
God bless you, your family, and all of your special angels.

OH, I have been blessed with a new Facebook friend!!!!!

XXXOO0s for all of you

Lindsay Dean said...

Ok, I am sitting in the computer room here at the hospital and ALMOST crying harder than I was on March 27, 2008!! Oh friend, my heart still breaks for you every single day that you don't have your princess. Your words are so true. I DID feel like I lost my daughter when you lost yours. We have all learned so much and love HIM so much more because of her. Annabelle's picture was on Lindsay's crib at the hospital the whole time for a reason. I truly believe that she is Lindsay's guardian angel and Annabelle made our wish come true for her. She is a God given blessing to us all. God Bless whomever left that letter. Although tears were shed, that letter helped you through that day, I'm sure. Cyber hugs and much love!
PS I can tell those pics were from your new gadget! ;-)

Elaine said...

Dear Rebecca and Scott,

Well, I am just sobbing, all alone in my house and I just don't have the words to express how completely special Annabelle's letter is. That you have chosen to share it with us is breath-taking...

To whichever Angel helped Annabelle write and deliver this beautiful letter...it is just precious beyond words. To that person, I say "Thank you from all of us who love this family". Most of all, thank you for helping give Annabelle a voice that her family could hear, feel, and touch. It is a priceless gift.

To Annabelle, who obviously inherited her mommy's beautiful writing gift: God brought you to us to teach us, to heal us, to help us learn to grieve and to look forward....and most of all, to BELIEVE IN HIM. I have never believed in God more than I do at this moment. Thank you...

To Rebecca...you are such a gift to all of us. We love you...

Love, Elaine

Elaine said...

Oh...and it seems Suzie and I were typing and sobbing at the same time...how amazing is that. "I'm here, God...I hear you."

Love you, Elaine

Danielle @ Living Out Loud said...

Tears, tears, tears!

Thank you for sharing, Rebecca. I have thought of you so many times in the past days wondering how March 27th went for you. God most certainly did use an Earthly angel to bring comfort to you and your family on that day... what a remarkable thing!

By sharing your heart through your blog, you don't really even know how manny people you touch. Just today, I was struck by the words from a post that you wrote well over a year and a half ago. As I was having a "meltdown", the words from your post came to me, encouraged me, and spoke to me from a Mother's perspective. It gave me a much needed "attitude adjustment" (that's what I call them with Noah!). I tell you this to encourage you to continue sharing your heart... it touches so many... just as Annabelle does!

Love to you...

Shannon said...

Thank you for sharing your heart. And thank you for sharing those intimate moments. You have no idea how much you and Annabelle have touched me, and so many others. I never had the honor of meeting sweet Annabelle, but I feel like I know her through your words and pictures, and I love her so much! Thank you for sharing her. She is a precious gift to many...and so are you!

Big heart hugs and prayers!

aimee said...

Simply Beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing this.

Heart Hugs from Michigan,
Aimee Gillespie

Tommy, Erica, Addie Kate, and Andrew said...

Thank you for sharing this. I know it was hard for you. Thank God for all of his angels!

Evie's Story said...

Oh friend, March 27th 2008 is forever etched in my memory! There are indeed so many who feel so privileged to have known your little Angel and who will continue to grieve with you until you are reunited in heaven. So glad you had Annabelle evidences on that sacred day. Thank you again for including us in such a treasured, precious time with the Deans....what a God ordained evening!
Love you!

Praying too for your littlest sweetheart! C'mon Luke...kick this thing!

Jeannie (HAPPY HEART) said...

Yes, somedays are forever etched on our hearts. Beautiful post! Thanks so much for sharing with us. I cannot imagine how difficult it was to even type the words. May the Lord continue to comfort your hearts.

2 Cointh. 1:3-5 - Your ministry is doing this very thing :)

Our Family said...

This is absolutely amazing and touching. Don't you just love how God puts angels in our paths? You are definitely one of mine! God bless you, Rebecca!