Sunday, October 18, 2009

2 months...already!

Oh, what a week! If it wasn't enough to be facing what we were, we had even more to keep our minds occupied in the down time (so, maybe it wasn't such a bad thing afterall?).

Luke's 8 week appointment on Tuesday went amazingly well (thank you, Sweet Jesus!). I couldn't do anything anywhere similiar to the things we did the day before or morning of Annabelle's 8 week well visit. It all had to be completely different. Luke was the happiest guy that morning and cooed most of the way there. I am so in love! He weighed in at 12 pounds 2 1/2 ounces and was something like 23ish inches long. So, basically he's a big boy! I think he was anywhere from the 90-95th percentile in everything! There's a reason his daddy calls him "Tank"! :)

Sometime between the 3 shots and the fever and the constant screaming during the little time he was awake, I realized the mercy given to our baby girl. If the Lord had already picked the day (which He had) to take her Home and He knew what she would face (which He did) at her 8 week well visit, I think He just said "No more. She's been through enough." and sent His angels to carry her to Glory that morning.

Honestly, it was a hard day. Then, there were still two days to go to get past the other hurdle.

Just as much as I feel empty, I feel like my cup runneth over. Luke doesn't replace Annabelle and he never will, but the Lord has given me so much healing through him.

We made it back to church this morning for our first time! It was so wonderful to be back in the Lord's House and surrounded by our loving church family!!! Luke slept through the entire experience and woke up when we got to Annabelle's special place afterwards...completely unaware he had attended Sunday School for the first time. The sweet lady in the nursery was so funny when I picked him up. She said that every time she'd hear a little grunt (we think he may be part billy goat) she'd go wash up and get all excited to hold him. Then, he wouldn't wake up and she'd just let him continue sleeping peacefully. Wyatt, on the other hand, went into big church with us and did very well. We sang a song that's on one of our Praise Baby CDs and Wyatt recognized it and chimed in towards the end! I tell you what...hearing your baby (big) boy's sweet little voice singing praises to our Savior is enough to bring tears to your eyes! I could listen to him all day long!!!

It occurred to me when we were changing Annabelle's hairbow (fall themed, of course) that today is Luke's 2 month birthday. I will never forget standing in that same spot on what would have been Annabelle's two month birthday and deciding that that would be where we would lay her to rest. I remember thinking that it was just plain wrong that I was walking around a cemetary on her 2 month birthday. It still doesn't seem right most days but it's not about me. It's about God and His Plan for her and, for that reason alone, I have peace.

It's a little strange knowing that Annabelle's little brother is now bigger than she was when she was with us. He is really starting to come into his own personality and is such a sweet boy! He is so happy and keeps us smiling! I told my daddy on Friday that I just don't know how I let her go except to know that it wasn't me. I know that I was carried by your prayers on my behalf because there have been days that I didn't even know how to put one foot in front of the other but yet I did. The Holy Spirit has intervened so many times because you have asked Him to for me. I could never thank you enough. Yes, there are still hard days. Scott has found me recently sitting in the floor of our bedroom sobbing and rocking the framed picture that I have of Annabelle on my nightstand. The grief still overtakes me and knocks me down but I am able to stand back up a little faster these days.

This is one of the reasons why...isn't he just the cutest little thing??? And, yes, those cheeks are just as yummy as they look!


Evie's Story said...

Look at that precious grin on his face. He seems so young to be smiling already, but then that must be a Butcher baby thing. I remember that sweet angelic smile coming out EARLY with his big sister! Oh friend...have thought of you all week and am so grateful for His grace to have carried you through yet more heartwrenching milestones! You know I love you dearly!

Shannon said...

Oh my gosh, Derrick has on those exact pajamas tonight! How funny!! And Luke weighs as much as D right now, and he's 6 months old! :) He's so adorable!

I'm so glad you all ended up having a peaceful week. I know you weren't looking forward to it, but you had many, many prayers going up for you. May you continue to feel His grace and peace.

Big Heart Hugs,

RHONDA said...

He is so precious...Love those lil cheeks and that sweet smile... I can't imagine what a hard week this has been for you, but isn't it wonderful that when no one in the world knows...GOD KNOWS...I remember a old song called "He Will Carry You" and I know he carrys us through things we never thought we could face, I know he is carrying you and I will keep praying for you and your precious family.

Love from The Lyles,
Rhonda ~

Danielle @ Living Out Loud said...

I thought about you all week and am glad to hear that you were able to find joy among the heartache. Luke is such a sweet little guy... I still can't believe he has so much gorgeous hair! He is a dollbaby and I'm glad he is bring healing to you and your family!

Lots of love...

P.S. I have had Luke's gift wrapped and sitting on my kitchen counter for literally over a week... I AM going to box it up and mail it today!

The Ridgway Family said...

I could not agree with your words more Rebecca. Luke is absolutely beautiful and what a special gift from our Lord. I thought of you all week as I know these milestones are so difficult. I am so excited to have my little one, but anxious at the same time just from our past experience I think. I look to you as an example and I am so thankful that He has blessed your family with a beautiful, healthy, thriving baby and I know Annabelle is watching very closely from above!

Love, Keisa

The Hardy Family said...

Luke is absolutely adorable and it was so fun having him in the nursery yesterday even though he slept the whole time! :) It was great having all of you back! Luke is so blessed to have such an incredible mama! You are amazing!

Amanda-The Family News! said...

Luke is SO adorable!!!! I can't believe he is already 2 months old!!! What a sweet cutie!!!

Our Family said...

So sweet, Rebecca! I am so glad that Luke is bringing you such joy. I have been there (and still go there): holding something of Luke's, and just sobbing on the floor. I don't think anyone could understand that empty feeling except other angel moms. Your post reminds me of the song "Held" by Natalie Grant. Not sure why, it is just what popped into my head while reading your post. Perhaps it is when you mentioned choosing Annabelle's special place on her two month birthday. It seems so unfair, yet then I remember how happy they are with God. God bless you, friend, and we need to talk soon!

The Chavis Family said...

Luke is so cute!! I love all of his hair. I'm glad we got to see all of y'all Sunday! Intercessory pray is an amazing thing that only God could create. :)

The Little Miss said...

oh my gosh your kids are so cute and such a blessing! I have really enjoyed my time at your blog reading all your posts!
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