Sunday, September 28, 2008

Questions & Dreams

A lot of questions flutter around in my mind...What is Annabelle doing in heaven today? Is it her 8 month birthday in heaven as it is here on earth? Has she grown since flying from my arms or is she always going to be 8 weeks old? Does she talk or babble and giggle out loud?

Let's rewind a little...

May 2007...I am blow drying my hair one morning and the phone rings. It is my Aunt Brenda (my daddy's sister who I am very close to). As soon as I answer the phone, she asks "are you pregnant?"..."no, why do you ask?" I reply...She goes on to share with me that she had a dream the night before that I had a little girl. She had dreamt of her running around and playing. I proceeded to share with her what I hadn't even told my daddy...I was pregnant. I had just been to the doctor the day before but the baby didn't show up on ultrasound because I was so early in the pregnancy. They had taken blood to check my levels and I was going to have to continue to have my blood drawn for the next two weeks to insure that the pregnancy was sustaining itself. I knew something was wrong. I shared with my best friend that I felt like I was going to miscarry or, in some way, lose my baby. God had given me that intuition and was preparing my heart for the most tremendous heartache I could endure already.

August 23,2007...the day we learn of Annabelle's porcelain heart.

September 2007...I go to my Aunt Brenda to get my hair done (she also happens to be a beautician) and we talk about my baby girl's heart...about all she will have to endure...about my aunt's dream months before. We decided that since Annabelle was older in her dream, she would live and we would have her for years in our home.

March 27, 2008...Annabelle becomes an angel. I pray immediately that God grant me the gift of not dreaming. I had nightmares after my mom's passing and didn't want to walk that road again. God is good and gives me sound sleep...without any dreams.

June 2008...I dream for the first time. I awaken at 5am with unspeakable peace...I knew without a shadow of doubt that I had just spent time with my daughter. I was alone and she came skipping and giggling up to me. As though no time has passed, I tell her "Annabelle, I am so glad you are here. It is time for your next surgery, darling. We have to go to Charleston. They have to fix your heart." The entire time I play with her shoulder length blonde ringlet curls...She answers me, "no, Mommy." I continue to tell her that she still has to go for her next surgery and she finally turns to me and says "Mommy, God already fixed my heart." She giggles and skips off...I hold closely that memory of time spent with her and share every detail with Scott...wanting him to have seen her, too.

July 2008...My aunt asks me to stop by her house after church one Sunday to pick up a place setting of my Grandma's to display in my china cabinet. She had been looking through some old family photos and shows me a few. She pulls out a picture of me when I was 2 and says "you know, Rebecca, I've thought a lot about that dream I had and I think that Annabelle was in heaven in my dream. She looked like this." I knew she had seen my little girl...Annabelle looked almost identical to me in that photo...shoulder length blonde ringlet curls and all.

Thank you, Jesus, for answering my questions and making my dreams come true!


The Simmons Family said...

That is so precious! I love reading your blog entries, they just make me smile from head to toe! Annabelle is up in heaven giggling away!! :)


Amanda-The Family News! said...

what a sweet post bringing tears to my eyes. I believe Annabelle is giggling and having a wonderful time up in Heaven - with blonde ringlets!!

Erica May said...

Rebecca, your words are so sweet and always make me smile!! Through all of this you are showing your faith to others and God is blessiing you with your dreams and little signs that Annabelle is a beautiful girl in His arms!! I love you and Thank God that you are in my life! We hope to see you soon!!

Jonathan said...

You have touched my heart this morning Rebecca! I also had a dream about Lindsay not to long ago. That I was holding her in my arms but I really couldn't see her face but I knew she was in my arms.I woke up feeling peace and actually feeling like I held her. I agree about the nightmares because I have had them. I seem to go back and relive everything that happened in the hospital. The other day I sat and was thinking about what she would look like now and how long her hair would be.
That's amazing about your Aunt and I am sure that was totally all God. Hold on to that today. I wish I could have a glimpse of what are girls are doing today.

Mimi said...

What a beautiful post. I know that your precious mother is holding onto Annabelle tightly for you!
Your blog is truly a blessing to me, and I am thankful for your gift of this journey with all of us.
We missed you and Scott yesterday. We will see you soon!
Much love~ Marie and Gary

Anonymous said...

What an amazing dream,I am so glad that you could find peace in your dream and in your aunt's. You are so precious and an amazing person. And I always overwhelmed at the blessings you continue to give.
Love- Karen

Katie said...

Amazing. God works in mysterious and very beautiful ways. Again, you've blessed me with your words. Thanks for sharing!
Thinking of you...