It may be hard to believe but those who know me best know that I am a very private person. My deepest thoughts and truest emotions are rarely shared with anyone other than very close friends. I think that’s been the beauty of blogging…I am not having to say the words but can somehow muster up the courage to write them. By doing so, I am allowed to release my fears and share my heart with you. It’s safe for me. (And, I can break out into the ugly cry without any of you knowing it!)
I’ve gone back and forth with sharing a very special and sacred letter with you. Ultimately, I know that it’s best to share it. For one, many of you love my girl as if she were yours. You have prayed for her like you pray for your own babies and have then turned your prayers over to cover our family when we lost her. I have seen the tears in many of your eyes when I share a story of hers with you and my heart knows that you grieve her, too. I know that those of you who never met her or held her in person look forward to holding her at the Pearly Gates…and some who shared those thoughts with me already have. She has a place in your hearts…and her story has been given to our family to share.
By now you know the significance that March 27th, 2008 holds in our family. It’s a day that I will never be able to forget…not that I’d ever want to. It was a day filled with so much pain and yet filled with so much peace. It brought a burden into my heart that I daily lay at the feet of Jesus and gave Annabelle perfect beauty. As a mother, I love my children more than myself. By having that God-given instinct, I can say that I am thankful for that day. In the end, it gave Annabelle everything that she could have ever dreamt of having…on that day, Jesus gave her a perfect heart.
This year we were excitedly awaiting the arrival of the Dean’s that afternoon. We couldn’t wait to wrap our arms around each other…and I couldn’t wait to hold precious Lindsay. JR, Suzie, Scott and I stayed up past midnight talking and sharing our hearts with each other. The evening was shared with the Smith’s (Sweet Evie and Annabelle brought our families together at MUSC and we haven’t spent much time apart since) over dinner while the big kids had fun playing outside until they were all stinky and covered in grass stains! It was a beautiful day. Most of that you already knew though…this is what I haven’t shared.
Earlier that morning, we went to put Annabelle’s angel hairbow on at her special place. Scott and Wyatt got some balloons to send to her, too. As we arrived we found a letter…
It was from Annabelle.
Scott read it for us through tears. It was beautiful. The words were perfect. She addressed each of us…including her brothers and the precious gifts that they are to our family, too. On that day, there are no words…but she knew them. She says that she asks for me and that He says soon…and “then He holds me and tells me secrets of the blessings He has for me and for you on the Special Day”…the day we are together again. She talks about her Daddy’s heart…about how he’s “been the man He made you to be for Mommy…for Wyatt…for me…and now for Lukie”. She reminds us that on that day that He took her Home she “saw Eternity through His eyes and know it will be but a moment until I’m in your arms again”. Oh, how I long to have her cradled in my arms!
After Scott finished reading her letter, Wyatt asked how it got here. Scott and I just look at each other…I couldn’t speak…but he answered perfectly…”Buddy, God has angels all around us and one of them put it here for Annabelle.”
I have my suspicions but like leaving it just as Scott said.
To the precious and treasured angel on Earth, Thank You! You truly know my daughter’s heart and spoke directly to ours on that sacred day.