Thursday, March 18, 2010

Baby Bunnies

My heart has been heavy this week.  I am trying to slowly walk through these last days that I had with my daughter two years ago.  I can remember everything so vividly…most of which I am so very thankful for and some I’d rather not recall in such great detail.  The enemy has tried to attack my doubts, my grief, my what-ifs.  The peace in all of it comes in knowing that Annabelle’s life was spoken into motion, written by the Author of Life, orchestrated by my Master and beautifully painted by the Creator just the way it was supposed to be.  God doesn’t make mistakes…and, although, I see this life and our family without her as being so wrong so many times it doesn’t change the fact that she’s gone…and, most importantly, that she’s where she is supposed to be.  This life without her is exactly as HE had planned.  In these moments of my highest highs and yet my lowest lows, I am carried by that fact alone. 

I know that GOD has a master plan.  I believe that the Annabelle Baskets are just a small part of it.  The sweet baby boy that is jumping like a little bean beside me as I type is another.  I am amazed more and more as HE reveals just a little bit more of HIS heart and HIS plan to me…only leaving me to imagine just how grand and vast beyond all measure it truly is.    I’ve been immensely blessed by the friendships that I’ve formed in this blog world…of others who know my heart and have journeyed this path alongside me…some who personally know the pain and grief that is too deep for even tears at times and some whose compassion is so deep that they truly can join their hearts with mine.

As I was expecting Luke, I received such dear packages from many of you.  One of the ones that brought me to tears came from Ashlee.  Her beautiful baby girl, London, dances with my Annabelle…and we both have joyfully been given two boys on either side of our girls.  She had never seen and I had never shared that the last picture that I took of Annabelle was of her in a bunny outfit just two days before she was taken to Heaven.   I had to laugh when I looked back on those last pictures…seeing this on my baby’s bum…2008_0325Annabelle0049 (2)

“Sweet Buns”

The sweet little baby girl bunny outfit was given to me by Scott’s mom.  I wanted to be sure to take pictures of her in it for her first Easter…which was two days before.  Scott and Wyatt were at a Carolina Baseball game and it was just Mommy and Annabelle time.  So, I tried on an array of outfits and had fun playing dress up before bedtime.

As I opened the gift from my precious friend, I couldn’t believe what she had picked out for my Luke.  Made by the same company…the boy version of Annabelle’s bunny outfit…006

The same soft fabric that I remember dressing her in…now for my third sweet one. 


The tender memories of those moments spent just with her…

2008_0325Annabelle0047 (2)

My baby bunnies celebrating spring…


celebrating EASTER…

2008_0325Annabelle0046 (2)

remembering HIS death…


and rejoicing in HIS resurrection! 

I may have a hard time getting through these next 10 days but I know that Easter is just around the corner.  Oh, and friends, if you don’t have the same overwhelming JOY in Easter as I do…I pray it for you now!  It is what carries me forward and will ultimately bring me HOME!

Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in ALL circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18


Johanna said...

tears tears tears! Gosh! beautiful post Rebecca. Thank you!!!

Johanna said...

tears tears tears! Gosh! beautiful post Rebecca. Thank you!!!

The Johnson Family said...

Oh Rebecca that was an amazing post. Please let me know if you need anything over the next few weeks.

RHONDA said...

I am crying, your post is so Beautiful. God is using you Rebecca to be a Blessing to us all. I have overwhelming Joy for Easter, I never could imagine first hand what Price God paid to give up his son, until we almost lost our son at 4 wks a few days before Easter and I still really don't know but I Thank God for his Gift. I can't imagine what you go through, I pray for you every day. Zeb had open heart surgery at MUSC 2 wks ago and I can remember sitting at his bedside in PCICU that 1st night and on either side of him were 2 little newborn babies one a boy and one a girl and sitting on their bed was Annabelle's Baskets. I sat there with tears streaming down my face, thinking what an Amazing thing, Annabelle was all around, she was there spreading joy to those babies and their families. Rebecca..You are Amazing..Thank you so much for all you do. We will be praying with you the next 10 days and always, Please know that.

Rhonda (Zeb's Mommy)

Evie's Story said...

Oh friend, Im brought to tears seeing never-before-disclosed pictures of your angel baby. The contrast of pink and blue....the blending of joy and pain. Loving you....and all THREE of your precious children!

Unknown said...

So very beautifully said. God is good. I am especially thankful to Him for those friends He uses to show us His love....just like your friend who sent the Bunny outfit for Luke.
The pictures are just precious. Your Annabelle is so dainty and beautiful and perfect. And Luke, well, he just melts my heart. Absolute precious-ness...both of them. Praying for you during these upcoming weeks.

The Hardy Family said...

Praying for you dear friend!

Julie Miles said...

Those bunny pictures made my day! Thanks for sharing them! Seeing how healthy Luke is gives me encouragement & hope that if we decide to have another kid that there's a good chance for that one to be heart healthy! We still pray for you dear friends!

Shannon said...

So precious.

Praying for you, especially hard over the next week. May you feel peace and love of our Savior, and the presence of Annabelle all around you. Thank you for sharing your heart and especially your faith. What a testament you have. If I can do anything for you, please let me know.

Lots of love and prayers,

PS..I have to tell you this. I re-read the part that said "this sweet little boy that's jumping like a bean beside me...I missed the "BE" and had to go back again, and then one more time until I realized it said BESIDE! Ha! I thought, 'she already knows it's a boy and she hasn't even told us yet?!' Sorry!! I thought it was funny and had to tell you. :) ~Hugs!

jan tompkins said...

Love the pics of your sweet little ones.... precious bunnies.
I think you did post Bunny Annabelle in that sweet suit.... right? I feel sure that I have seen that one before. God bless you guys!

Jessica said...

Look at those sweet babies. They are both so precious. :) Thank you for sharing those memories and photos with us. You are in my prayers as you walk through these memories.