Thursday, February 25, 2010

New Normal

Somehow, someway things are starting to feel normal.  Not that this normal is the same as the old normal…but a new normal.  A normal that’s completely unpredictable emotionally and that has become okay.  I may cry one minute and laugh the next.  I probably will.  I have in some unexpected way slipped into this new normal.  And, as much I have hated the process of having to get here,  I sort of am feeling comfortable in it.  It’s different from anywhere I’ve ever been.  It’s probably nowhere near where I would have dreamt I would have ended up either.  It’s what’s given me the ability to shut my mouth when I may have spoken up.  It’s what has turned my silence into wisdom that only comes from the experience of knowing where I’ve been and, more importantly, where I’m heading.  It’s made music more than a beat that I fall into and more of a worship my heart embraces completely.  I wish at times that I could go back to not knowing what I know now, but very quickly I am reminded that I am right where I am supposed to be.  This new normal is somehow, someway starting to feel normal.  I realize that I will never stop feeling like someone is missing because she is.  I realize that I will never stop adoring precious little girly things because I have.  And, most of all, I realize that I will never know the gift of losing my baby girl until I am joined with her in Eternity!  This new normal has saved me in so many ways…focused my heart on my children…my love on my husband…and my eyes towards Heaven.  Oh…I will live in this new normal and embrace every little unexpected and unseen blessing it brings.

Like these…





Unknown said...

No words seem big enough, except I understand every part of this post. I refer to our life now as our "new normal" often-- and sometimes it just almost takes my breath that our "normal" is so far from what we'd planned on it being. All there is to say is God is good...
and, those two sweet boys splashing in the tub is oh-so precious.

The Gandy Family said...

Too Cute!

jan tompkins said...

The boys are precious! I really look forward to all of your updates.

Hugs -

Lindsay Dean said...

It's like you took the thoughts right from my head and wrote them absolutely perfectly! I have thought about the day so many times that I finally get to wrap my arms around you and guess what....we are only 4 weeks away my friend!!! Now, I cry and laugh the next minute too so expect the first time that you ever see me in person, I will be bawling!! ha ha
Love to you and your sweet, sweet princes.


Evie's Story said...

your heart is always poured out so eloquently through your blog. Thank you for including us in the process so we can pray. Love you dearly!

Leigh said...


I love reading your updates, you are an amazing mom and woman! You are in my prayers still. I hope to see you at the baseball field this spring:)

Much love,
Leigh Owens

Shannon said...

Love the pics! PRECIOUS!! :)

Always praying for you all!

Ashlee Tomes said...

Oh Rebecca,
These are just precious - especially the one of both your boys playing and laughing together. What a blessing! With moments like that, it would be hard not to enjoy your new normal. Like you said, we have learned to appreciate the blessings in the midst of our loss. Thank you for sharing your heart - and making a wonderful point that touched my heart (because I feel the same way).


The Chavis Family said...

Your family is such a blessing to you and so many others!!