Tuesday, June 28, 2011

When the What-if’s turn into What Now…

I wrote this late Friday evening after three beautifully painful days celebrating Lindsay’s amazing life with her family and close friends.  It has also been a constant thought in my mind for the past three years and three months.   I truly didn’t think I would share these innermost thoughts but the Lord is asking me to…praying you will be moved by His hand.

The road has yielded in another direction and the constant fear and ever present what-if's have now turned into a long walk towards Glory.  The path has become what now.  Now, how will I choose to allow Christ to work through me allowing this perfectly planned and God-given story to lead others to the same peace I have in Him alone?  Now, what am I to do until we are together again?  Now, I need strength to put one foot in front of the other as I follow in the steps He has laid before me.  Now, is when I need Him most…because, now, He holds her.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

You know just how proud of you I am!
Love,
Sarah

Elaine said...

I knew there was a reason I have been thinking about you constantly. You were very brave when you were here for Lindsay's funeral and did every single thing for Suzie that a best friend could do. But I know it was very, very hard. I wish I had asked you Friday night if you were okay. I KNOW God is watching over you and helping you adjust, experience your own grief, and help Suzie with hers. It is so very unfortunate that you belong to the same "club" now...but God put you two in the same boat together for a reason...we just don't know what that is yet. All I know is that Suzie would not have made it through last week without you...you coming here meant everything.

Bill and I also want you to know that you helped us SO much, in ways we never could express. Having you stay with us, doing our "projects" together, sharing Annabelle and Lindsay stories together...you made our week bearable.

So do not worry, my love...God will help you find your way. I am convinced you were born to do this...you are such a calm and loving presence in our lives. Call me if you need me. I love you.

Love, Elaine

Jeannie (HAPPY HEART) said...

(tears here) Thanks for being obedient to the Lord and sharing these beautiful words. God never. ever wastes are suffering.You are living proof of that. Our hearts and prayers are with your families.

Heart Hugs

Shannon said...

Beautifully written. My heart aches for you, friend. Many prayers as you navigate through your grief and support Suzie through hers. What a bittersweet blessing that the two of you have each other.

Anonymous said...

As always Rebecca, your words are perfectly put together. I wondered how you were doing all week. You handled everything so well on the outside but I don't know what you were going through on the inside. You have such a gift of frienship and Godly obediance; thankful for sharing it with those who need it most!!

Love, Alison Lee

Danielle @ Living Out Loud said...

How very touching, sweet friend. You put into words what so many people fear... even those of us who have healthy children as of now. I've long been taught that God cares much more about our holiness than He does our happiness... I think you are a living example of someone who is responding in the exact way the Father would want you to react! Hoping and praying these days after Lindsay's services are healing for you. Much love...