Thursday, October 7, 2010

My baby’s belly…

The past couple of weeks have been a mess…what we thought was teething has gradually gotten worse and worse.  I thought maybe he had an ear infection or something else but, on Monday, his ears checked out fine.  Tuesday the upset tummy got extreme.  I also had a little upset tummy and thought that perhaps we had a bug but mine was short lived compared to sweet Luke.  Wednesday was awful so another call was made into the pediatrician.  After speaking to the nurse again this morning, we decide that Luke may have an allergy or sensitivity to the new coconut milk that he’s been drinking recently.  (He still nurses but very, very little & has sensitivity to lactose so coconut milk seemed to be the best option for him since it’s higher in fat.)  Anyways, less than 30 minutes after talking to the nurse & deciding to watch him for a few days after taking him off the coconut milk yesterday, he poops again & I see blood.  So, I called back & they wanted to see him right away.  I am blessed beyond all measure with amazing homeschool mom friends that took care of Wyatt for me (& taught him) so that I could focus just on Luke for the morning.  Basically, the pediatrician narrowed it down to two things: 1. Luke does have an allergy or 2. Luke has an infection (thinking most likely salmonella). Then, I am told that we’ll be doing some poop collecting during the day (which was done amongst many gagging episodes) & that my baby boy needs to have some bloodwork done.

That’s where I about lost it.

The precious nurse came in & said she had to get it from his little arm.  Not his toes.  Not his finger.  His arm.

She can see the intense desire for this not to be happening on my behalf and offers to have another nurse hold him down while she does it.

Not on my life.  He is my child.  I will hold him…even if it almost kills me inside to walk down memory lane in ways I never want to again. 

Friends, I haven’t shared much about the day we lost Annabelle.  But, I will tell you that I still hold guilt that I daily have to lay at the Cross over those final hours with her.  I wanted to be by her side but my fear kept me at the end of her bed.  In reality, there were so many people frantically trying to save her little life that I would have been in the way.  But, I am her mother.  I should have been there.  I live every day knowing that it should have been me that was holding her as she let go of this world and all the pain it had brought her…but I pushed them to do more and more.

I was not about to step aside and let someone else take my place today. 

I held Luke as he was stuck…keeping his arm straight with mine & the rest of his body firmly against my chest.  They got what they needed & I cried as soon as they walked out of the room.  Rocking my baby boy and praising God that Annabelle taught me how to love him so well.

She’s taught me more lessons than I know.

Luke’s belly still hurts.  The cultures won’t be done until next week.  The white blood count was slightly elevated. 

Please pray for my baby boy…I just want him to feel better & for us to have answers.

9 comments:

Shannon said...

Poor Luke! I sure hope he's feeling better soon!

Prayers for you, friend...always! :)

Evie's Story said...

Poor Lukie. So sorry friend.....for both of you!

Rebecca said...

I have chills and tears. You are a fabulous mother, Rebecca. I can't imagine how it feels to struggle with that guilt, lay it down and feel peace. Praying for you and sweet Luke. Love you!

Danielle @ Living Out Loud said...

Oh Rebecca, I'm so sorry! I'm just reading this and hoping that by now, Luke is feeling better! I'm so sorry that you had to experience memories that are hard to handle... I cried just reading about it!

I'm sure your pediatrician has already considered this, but I'll mention it anyway. Are you certain that the mild sensitivity is in the lactose and not in the milk protein? Molly has continuously had blood in her stool and it is because she is sensitive to the cow's milk protein... not the lactose. So I have to read every single label on absolutely everything making sure that there is nothing that has even a milk derivative like casein or whey. Just a thought... we took Molly to a specialist and she said that the #1 reason for blood in baby/toddler's stools is the sensitivity to the cows milk protein. And dairy is in just about everything!

Keep us posted on how he is doing! Prayers for a quick resolution for Luke's tummy and peace of mind for his momma!

Love to you...
Danielle

Jonathan said...

Praying for you guys Rebecca!! Please keep us updated. Love you tons~ Laura

The Hardy Family said...

Wow, Rebecca, what a hard day for you. I'm so sorry you had to go through that sweet friend! You are such an amazing mother. Praying for sweet Luke!

Jeannie (HAPPY HEART) said...

So sorry for all sweet Luke (and mommy) has gone through this week. I just went through something similar last week with a friend. Her baby ended up having an intussception(where the intestines slide inside itself) It was corrected with a barium enema. We found out later that it may have been caused from the similac he had been drinking.

BTW: You are one of the most amazing moms I have ever known. You deep love is evident in every post you write and your beautiful babies know it!

RHONDA said...

Oh Rebecca, I am so sorry that you and sweet Luke had to go through that. I can't imagine the flashback and the pain you felt. I am praying for him and I pray that he is already feeling much better right now as I type this. Sending much love and prayers your way tonight.

Rhonda

Our Family said...

Oh Rebecca, I am so sosrry you have to go through all of this. I know how you feel re: the guilt of Annabelle's Angel Day. I feel the same guilt with Luke. I remember giving him to my mom because I was too scared (she says that she took him from me so I could get the pulse ox on his little toe). Anyway, I have a hard time forgiving myself. But you and I know that we did EVERYTHING that we could have done to save our babies. Please don't beat yourself up.

As for Luke, I had a niece and nephew who had blood in their stool and it ended up being an allergy to milk proteins. They both eventually got over it, and I know that Luke will, too. I just wanted to let you know that it is fairly common, but after what we have been through, anything can set our memories off.

I have gone through the same feelings with our James, when he was in the NICU, when we had to bring him to the ER at 5 weeks old (Luke's angel age), each time he gets his blood drawn. It is scary and it brings us back to "that place".

Annabelle is so proud of you for continuing her legacy and you have no guilt to bear. Please know that I am praying for sweet Luke! BTW< we have a long overdue phone call to share!

Love to you,
Bernie