The past couple of weeks have been a mess…what we thought was teething has gradually gotten worse and worse. I thought maybe he had an ear infection or something else but, on Monday, his ears checked out fine. Tuesday the upset tummy got extreme. I also had a little upset tummy and thought that perhaps we had a bug but mine was short lived compared to sweet Luke. Wednesday was awful so another call was made into the pediatrician. After speaking to the nurse again this morning, we decide that Luke may have an allergy or sensitivity to the new coconut milk that he’s been drinking recently. (He still nurses but very, very little & has sensitivity to lactose so coconut milk seemed to be the best option for him since it’s higher in fat.) Anyways, less than 30 minutes after talking to the nurse & deciding to watch him for a few days after taking him off the coconut milk yesterday, he poops again & I see blood. So, I called back & they wanted to see him right away. I am blessed beyond all measure with amazing homeschool mom friends that took care of Wyatt for me (& taught him) so that I could focus just on Luke for the morning. Basically, the pediatrician narrowed it down to two things: 1. Luke does have an allergy or 2. Luke has an infection (thinking most likely salmonella). Then, I am told that we’ll be doing some poop collecting during the day (which was done amongst many gagging episodes) & that my baby boy needs to have some bloodwork done.
That’s where I about lost it.
The precious nurse came in & said she had to get it from his little arm. Not his toes. Not his finger. His arm.
She can see the intense desire for this not to be happening on my behalf and offers to have another nurse hold him down while she does it.
Not on my life. He is my child. I will hold him…even if it almost kills me inside to walk down memory lane in ways I never want to again.
Friends, I haven’t shared much about the day we lost Annabelle. But, I will tell you that I still hold guilt that I daily have to lay at the Cross over those final hours with her. I wanted to be by her side but my fear kept me at the end of her bed. In reality, there were so many people frantically trying to save her little life that I would have been in the way. But, I am her mother. I should have been there. I live every day knowing that it should have been me that was holding her as she let go of this world and all the pain it had brought her…but I pushed them to do more and more.
I was not about to step aside and let someone else take my place today.
I held Luke as he was stuck…keeping his arm straight with mine & the rest of his body firmly against my chest. They got what they needed & I cried as soon as they walked out of the room. Rocking my baby boy and praising God that Annabelle taught me how to love him so well.
She’s taught me more lessons than I know.
Luke’s belly still hurts. The cultures won’t be done until next week. The white blood count was slightly elevated.
Please pray for my baby boy…I just want him to feel better & for us to have answers.