Orphans are easier to ignore before you know their names. They are easier to ignore before you see their faces. It is easier to pretend they're not real before you hold them in your arms. But once you do, everything changes. ~David Platt
Tonight, just like last night, Andie-Grace cried herself to sleep. I've tried rocking her, cradling her, shushing her on my shoulder, pacing the floor with her and whispering lullabies in her ear...but she has never been dependent on anyone other than herself to go to bed. She is slowly learning to trust us...and slowly learning how to let us love her. It's a process...a long painful process. As I sat by her on the bed tonight, I hurt for her. I hurt that she hurts and that she doesn't know what it feels like to let someone love her into dreamland. The outer layer of her intricate shell has been removed and she's allowing us to see her grieve now. It's hard and huge...and I am thankful she is trusting us enough to show more of herself. She's lived a hard 16 months. She comes from such brokenness that, experienced firsthand, should break every Believers' heart in two directly into action. As I watched her cry and roll back and forth over and over, my mind wandered to my own fight to be loved...
How many times has Christ tried rocking me? Cradling me? Whispering in my ear and promising to never leave me? How many times has He stood and waited and waited and waited for me to let Him love me???
Far too many times. Far, far too many.
I still fight Him at times. Thinking that I know best or that my way will work just as well as His or that I can do it on my own. Sometimes I can...just as our sweet girl finally was able to bring herself to sleep tonight...but I don't have to and neither does she.
If only we'd just allow ourselves to be loved.
It's waiting. He's waiting. I'm waiting. And in His perfect timing, I learn to let Him love me lavishly.
And...Lord willing...with a little bit of time and a whole lot of patience...one day, she will too.
"Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love." 1 John 4:7-8