Thursday, January 20, 2011

Just a Week Away

I have had a harder time this year than I have yet approaching Annabelle’s birthday…and the sweet sixty days that we had her with us.  I just don’t know what to do, how to approach it, how to celebrate.  I can honestly say that for the first year after her passing I had no clue what I was doing.  I lived in shock…unaware that I was even in it.  I am glad that I did things in those first months or I don’t know how I ever would have had the strength to do them later once the fog lifted a little.  It blows my mind to think that just one short month after Annabelle’s Homegoing, I was delivering baskets in her name in the very place where we had her and spent weeks by her bed…where she had open heart surgery at five days old.  You’d think I wouldn’t want to go back there but I know now that God led me back to help me heal.  Taking the Annabelle Baskets is the perfect therapy.  I have not turned to medication (as would be so easy to do and, at one point, was heavily suggested by a physician).  I don’t want anything to numb me.  The reality of it is that my daughter died and I want to feel the void that she leaves in my heart.  Not cover it up or medicate it for a little while.  I think that’s why this year is the hardest so far…the shock has long since worn off and the harsh reality of what my life will be like for as long as I walk this earth has set in.  I’m the one without a mother and a daughter…both given and painfully taken away.  That’s where this sad story ends.

What gives me Hope to put one foot in front of the other and to speak (yes, I am speaking twice within one week of Annabelle’s birthday publicly to share her story and the ministry of Annabelle Baskets) to others sharing what we’ve gone through is that I know my life does NOT end here.  This is not it…for me…or for you.  We have been given Eternity!!!!  That, my friends, is why I can laugh just as I am crying.   I sincerely pray that you can, too.

So…in thinking about Annabelle’s third birthday I have decided to do something a little different.  I don’t want to approach her days with pain.  I want to embrace them…every.single.one.  I think she’d want me to.  Goodness knows we did when she was with us. :)

I have decided to capture at least one picture a day of our family living.  I know Annabelle is living in Heaven.  Why shouldn’t we celebrate the life He has given us here?  I have lost a lot but I have so much more to be thankful for.  So, for the sweet 60 days between our family meeting Annabelle face to face and her meeting Jesus face to face, I will post a picture a day…to remember…to honor…and, mostly, to give thanks. 

12 comments:

Lindsay Dean said...

Love it, friend! And love you!

Shannon said...

Perfect! I love it too!

Jeannie (HAPPY HEART) said...

Beautiful! You are a beautiful miracle, my friend. I will be praying for you as you prepare to speak.

Danielle @ Living Out Loud said...

I know I, along with many others, will be anxiously awaiting those photos! What a wonderful idea... I know you must feel like you have to literally force yourself to live in the present, not in the land of what-ifs. That is something I so admire about you. You have been on my mind a lot in these past days... seems as though my heart knew you were having a hard time this year and needed the extra prayers :) Thanks for continuing to share your beautiful heart as it progresses along your journey...

Much love, friend!

Momto4 said...

I have been lurking on your blog for awhile ;-) I wanted to send you ((Huge Hugs)) and let you know I am thinking of You & Your Precious Annabelle. I was immediatley drawn to your blog because I too have lost a daughter, Anna, 11 years ago. Anna was my first baby & was born an angel due to a 4X Nuchal Cord accident. I love her and miss her everyday just as you do your sweet Annabelle. Just like you I think about how so many thing in life are not what I thought I would be doing. We have to go to the cemetary to celebrate her birthday with her and other holidays where her absence also lingers on my heart. Decorating her grave and sending her balloons to heaven are the only way to honor her short life with me. You have all my love sent to You & Your precious family!! Happy Birthday Sweet Annabelle!!!

Unknown said...

Oh, I LOVE this idea! I cant wait to see the pics you post! I'll be thinking of praying for you in the days and weeks to come...

Katie said...

What a wonderful idea- I will look forward to seeing them. Much love and prayers to you lately :) I often think of you when I have my "moments" and your outlook, faith, and perserverance helps change my attitude on Maddie's future, upcoming surgery, etc. Love you friend :)

Bryanne said...

You spoke my heart. I've shared about that and Annabelle on my blog and want you to know you are in my thoughts and prayers! Love to you!

Evie's Story said...

beautiful idea my precious friend! Looking forward to celebrating the life of your beautiful family as you share through pictures. And we anticipate your angel-girls birthday too and THANK GOD for her life!

The Hardy Family said...

What an amazing idea! I love it, Rebecca! It is perfect and such an incredible way to celebrate LIFE! You are a blessing to so many! Love you, sweet friend!

Mike Skiff said...

What a great idea and great way to CELEBRATE her. Thanks for your honest transparency - another great post Rebecca!

keisha said...

Happy Birthday Annabelle! Rebecca, thank you for sharing yourself and your precious girl with the rest of us. BOTH of you continue to touch so many lives, including mine.