Thursday, August 6, 2009

Making Room...

I haven't really found a good way to explain any of the emotional side of things too well recently. It's just too hard to put into words. I know that my heart is changing...and has been gradually over the past 8 or so months. I didn't know what to expect and have tried to be as true to my real feelings as possible...not allowing anything that anyone says or says I should be feeling to change how I am in that moment. I've been trying to keep everything very honest. My emotions have ranged all across the spectrum but, more recently, I have been happy, excited, and joyful. (I think many of you have picked up on that in recent posts, too!)

It occurred to me the other night when I was looking through some of Luke's clothes hanging in the closet just exactly how I was feeling and how my heart has changed...


The pink ruffles and smocked dresses have moved over a little and more room has been made for blue bubbles and longalls...but she is still there. Now, my heart holds three distinct spaces for three precious children. That little closet serves as a reminder that her place in my heart is buried deep within my soul...never-changing, ever-enduring & always separate from the two boys that surround her on each side.

5 comments:

The Mishoe Family said...

I could never imagine losing a child but think the ways you've felt the last several months are normal...Annabelle will never be replaced no matter how many children you have. My parents lost their first boy at 5 months old and from time to time they still talk about him...that was over 35 years ago but he is still in their hearts and I know they still think of him often. I'm glad that you are getting excited about Luke's arrival...I know I am :-)!! Love you! Allison

Danielle @ Living Out Loud said...

Perfectly said, friend. Perfectly said.

I have to tell you, I don't know if I will ever be able to read one of your posts without tears! Whether they are happy or sad, they always flow after reading your heartfelt posts. Today, they are a mix of both... kind of like the picture of your closet.

God Bless you in these coming days. I have a feeling that your heart will open up even more in the coming days... making just a little more room for joy!

Love you so...
Danielle

Lindsay Dean said...

Beautiful! My heart is overjoyed for you and knowing that Luke will be here soon, overflows it! That one brought me to tears for you. My heart still aches for you and Scott. I think it always will. Annabelle has special powers up there and in 12 days, she will be there too. The glisten in Luke's eyes will make you the happiest mommy ever! Love you soooo much!
Suzie

The Ridgway Family said...

Rebecca,
I do know the emotions you are feeling because as I get closer to my date, my emotions get stronger as well. I am so very excited for you and for Luke's arrival. I am sorry that it has to be so difficult at times, at least for me, to move forward and feel true joy again. Like you said, our hearts will never be the same, but I believe that we are changed for the better because of the sweet daughters we have. I am sure that Annabelle will be with you at Luke's arrival because I am sure she is preparing him right now for the wonderful family he is about to meet.

Love, Keisa

Evie's Story said...

I love you friend. God has grown your heart even as I know it has been breaking since loosing Annabelle. I know He is going to fill it with such joy in the gift of precious Luke.